06 5 / 2012
Love and letting go
I met a guy named Fabian in middle school. I fell in love with him. We dated for three long years. We broke up sophomore year of high school. He started dating a girl a week after we broke off. How important was our relationship to him? He got over me in a week!! He has been dating this girl for 3 going on 4 years.
Throughout those years, he has still called and told me how much he loved me…and how he couldn’t be with me though. I would always argue that if he loved me he should leave her and be with me. If it was true love distance would not be an issue. He never left her for me and never will.
I have loved him for soo many years thinking and believing he will come back to me. I cant imagine myself with anyone but him. There is not a single day that i do not think about him. I kept fooling myself into believing that he will come back and we will be together because there is a bond between us that can not be broken. I believe that no matter what happens I will always think of him and he will always think of me no matter what…. but this is stupid… I am stupid….
He has moved on a long time ago and I just haven’t accepted it. I have been an idiot in thinking that it he was just having a phase with her. He loves her and that is the truth. He is there for her in times of need and accepts her no matter what she does and forgives her when he would never do that for me.
Right now we are not talking. When ever we stop talking, I tell myself it for the better. I try to be strong and say I need to move on… It has been a week since I have last talked to him and its killing me….. I miss his voice. I think about him when i go to sleep and when I wake up. I wonder what he is doing and if he is thinking of me…
I hate myself for it. I wish i could get him out of my mind. I hate having this intense love for him. I wish I was as happy as he seems with his girlfriend. I hate him for doing this to me. He is such a jerk for dragging me along and continuing to tell me he loves me despite being with her. He is a jerk. He doesn’t deserve me or her.
I hate him and love him…
Starting today…. I will make it my goal to not fall into his trap again. I need him out of my life… I must not for him but for me. I have to do this for myself because he is killing me inside. He is not even worth it.
I want someone who will love me and never let me go… Show me that you love me don’t just say it. I want to be your everything. The person who wake up thinking about and the person you fall asleep thinking about. I want to be the most beautiful girl in the world to you and that no girl can come close to replace. I want to be the girl who you want to call everyday because without hearing her voice once a day would drive you crazy. I want to be the girl who puts a smile on your face. I want to be your other half, your one and only.
To Fabian I am none of these. And for this reason I must let him go. I must be strong.
Love isn’t suppose to be single sided.
I’m afraid of letting go but I must…..
Goodbye Fabian!!!!
RIP
